Today, I've decided to share an important subject that you may not realize can have a huge impact on your life.
Without this ingredient, you may find yourself just blowing wherever the wind may take you. You may feel resentful about a life that doesn't quite feel like it's your own. You may look in the mirror and wonder, "Who is that person is that's staring back at me?" Or "How did I get here?"
Without this ingredient, purpose is just a word people throw around to describe what is supposed to motivate you, while YOU are simply riding the waves.
Without this ingredient, your mistakes and imperfections can feel like limitations that prevent your growth or happiness. You may even blame other people for feeling unappreciated or undervalued.
It's something that, if left unchecked, will absolutely hold you back from living a rich, full life where YOU are in control.
This secret ingredient is called SELF LOVE.
You've probably heard of it. It's the hot new thing in that those crazy self-help people are talking about. The term sounds very hippie-ish (I just made up that word). But I'm here to tell you: It's not some a new age fad or some kind of luxury rather than a necessity…
It's actually a practice that can change, not only how you see yourself, but how others treat you.
If I asked you right now: Do you love yourself? You may think you do. I know that 10 years ago, I would have said I did, too. But I actually didn't. And I just didn't know it.
And while I'm certain that you may love a few things about yourself, there are probably several things you never even realized about your behavior that may tell a different story.
So let's go down a list of 10 signs that you urgently, desperately, are in need of self love. Grab a pen and a spare piece of paper to write down a point for every sign that resonates with you. You might be surprised at your results!
10 signs you are urgently, desperately in need of Self Love:
You aren't taking care of your body and mind You've been putting off going to the gym, or you keep skipping yoga class. You keep coming up with excuses for not signing up for that spinning class. You follow a diet regimen that does not incorporate healthy foods, when you KNOW that eating more wisely will make you feel better and live a healthier lifestyle. You neglect taking some much needed "me time" because too many people in your life need you more.
You frequently say yes, when you want to say no Your friend invites you to a party this weekend, but you've had a long week and really just wanted to stay home and watch Netflix in your pajamas. If that type of scenario sounds familiar, and you know you're the type of person to get dressed and go to the party, even though you don't really want to go, this applies to you.
Your relationships tend to be dramatic or difficult You put up with an unhappy, disrespectful, unhealthy or even abusive relationship. Have your friends and family pointed this one out? It's usually the first sign, since most of us are not aware of this until the relationship ends. Keep in mind And I don't just mean romantic relationships; sometimes friendships and family can be a little (lot) toxic.
You hold grudges, against others and even yourself If people let you down, they are going to regret it. Even after an apology, it's hard to let it go, because you didn't deserve that treatment. So you bring it up frequently, reminding them that you will never forget what they've done. You know this, because you hear it from these people all the time: "How many times to I have to say I'm sorry?" or "Are we ever going to move past this?" And while you wish you could, your memory won't let you forget, so you never let it go, and the past is revisited over and over again.
You have not forgiven yourself for your past mistakes You punish yourself by carrying that heavy guilt around with you for having done something wrong or shameful. You sometimes shame yourself, saying"I'm so stupid, I deserve this." You define yourself by your worst moments, and expect that others will too.
You feel sadness, guilt and/or anxiety all the time You are no stranger to the dark cloud... Life has a way of throwing storms your way, and you can't seem to get out from under the gray clouds. Or maybe you feel guilty all the time about the silliest things. Guilty you don't call or visit loved ones more, or guilty you didn't get them that birthday gift. It's so normal, you think guilt is in your DNA. Perhaps day to day activities bring on the anxiety, and you find your palms sweating for the most mundane things, like going shopping for shoes, meeting with your boss or attending social events. It doesn't take much to set you off. Anxiety is a familiar staple in your life, and you are learning to live with it.
You aren't taking your hopes, aspirations, dreams seriously Ever since you were a kid, you dreamt of visiting Rome, or learning to fly. Maybe you wanted to start your own business, or move to Boston. If those dreams are still alive and well, and you are doing nothing to make them happen, this applies to you.
You always worry about what people think and say I'm not talking about the common worry, like bringing a new boyfriend home to meet your parents, or worrying that the dress your wore might be a little risque for the party. I'm talking about a nagging fear about what people think about about you. "Do they think I'm not good looking?" "Do they think I don't deserve this promotion?" If you invest time and energy into reflecting a persona to keep people impressed, this applies to you.
You don't feel confident You find yourself in a meeting, and you have something valuable to say about the subject, but your insecurities kick in and you stay silent instead. Your approach is frequently to stay safe by not taking risks or speaking up. So you don't apply to those cool jobs, you don't start conversations with strangers and you won't start that business out of fear that you will fail and/or make a fool of yourself.
You're afraid people are going find out that you're a "fraud" You find yourself worried that you'll be caught; that you are not as good as people think you are. You feel you've been faking it till you make it, and someone is going to find out the truth. You think you're "too much" or unlovable, unworthy.
So it is clear now, self love is not just about how you feel about yourself. It's holding yourself accountable for honoring, defending, and respecting yourself.
Did any of these sound familiar?
Do you see yourself in them? I know I did.
And that's okay! Because that doesn't mean you are doomed to a life of unhappiness or that there is no hope of shrinking that list. You ABSOLUTELY have the ability to work through each one of these. And if you do, I promise, your life will change. You will no longer be bound by these limitations that prevent you from succeeding in your family, social, work, and love life.
So if I asked you again now. Knowing what you know... Do you love yourself? What is your answer? If you have more than a couple points on your piece of paper, you've got a little work to do :)
You can check out a video of these items on the Fortitude Hub YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Dk5FuoLwQ&t=5s
Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging on what to do next. I have a list of steps you can begin taking today to cultivate self love, so look out for it!
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