Earlier this year, I was making a substantial income working for a large company in South Florida. I led a department in IT, working with an amazing team of talented people. While challenging, I learned more each day and felt I was regularly making a positive impact on the company and the lives of those around me. Then coronavirus hit, and the employees were suddenly forced to work from home. This didn't bother us, as my staff was already accustomed to working remotely occasionally. We spent some time gathering our bearings and planning for a safe return to the office, but soon enough the company needed to make make some changes. We were losing revenue, and we found ourselves in a money-saving emergency mode. The first layoff wave hit our contractors, which was very painful. We had an insanely high amount of contractors in my department, so letting them all go put a huge burden on the team that remained. With no other choice, we put our big boy/girl pants on and chugged along. However, as more time passed and the situation with COVID-19 didn't improve, we were asked to plan to furlough some of our permanent team members. I lost many nights of sleep assembling a list of recommendations, and braced myself for the morning of the communication. Little did I know that I, too, would be part of that wave...
Since May 1st, I joined several of my own staff in a furloughed plan implemented by the company. This pandemic took a major toll on the industry (and country as a whole), and I was just collateral damage.
I was absolutely blessed and fortunate to have prepared a bit financially to handle this loss of income, but I wasn't sure what the future would hold. To make matters worse, it was recently communicated to us that the current end date for the company's furlough is end of October. This meant that I would need to figure out an alternative source of income; perhaps never coming back to the team and job I once loved.
I'll admit. In May, I was excited at the opportunity to focus on family. Focus on myself. Read some books. Enjoy the pool. Take care of my parents. Get some housework done, like unpacking and decorating. Make breakfasts and lunches and dinners for my family. After all, I'd never been able to do that during the week before. My day-to-day job was demanding and stressful, and this furlough felt like a reprieve! Perhaps I could make magic with my time. Become a better version of myself.
Alas... What I found was quite the opposite.
I was always the type of person that was up before the crack of dawn. I had my routine down, even on weekends. I always felt that sleep was a waste of productive time. I wanted to begin tackling my to do lists as early as possible. And at first, I continued that pattern. I'd get up, brush my teeth, shower, get dressed and start my day (meditation, yoga, breakfast, write my daily to dos, then follow through). After a couple weeks, I slowly began waking up later and later in the day. I started skipping yoga. I waited a little longer to have a shower. I stopped wearing basic makeup (I always had a least a little mascara and gloss). I broke promises to myself that, tomorrow, "I'm going to get up and write a blog entry every day." Or "Tomorrow, I'll hang the remaining pictures on the wall." I stopped following through with the goals I'd set for myself.
Weeks turned to months. And it only just hit me a couple days ago... I was letting myself down every day. I was not being the best version of myself. I was struggling with self-confidence, and stopped doing the things that got me to where I used to be. I was doubting my future. I didn't want think about what's next because I was afraid. Afraid I'd fail. Afraid I'd let my family and friends down. Afraid I couldn't keep up the lifestyle I worked so hard to achieve. I was ashamed that I'd wasted so much time.
What did I have to offer now? I've never gone backwards financially before... Will I be okay? The thought that I could fall on my face petrifies me (and I realize that I show that sometimes with anger).
I've decided that it's time to break this habit. It is past due time to step up and face the next phase of my life without hesitation. So I promised myself: Be the best version of yourself NOW. Stop procrastinating and live up to your full potential.
And I'm going to start one moment at a time, effective immediately. I will re-start and respect my morning rituals. I will drive toward my goals EVERY DAY. I will not waste time on things that don't serve me.
The new and improved me was born today. I am ready for the next chapter. Watch out world. Isis is ready to climb mountains!
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