Have you ever had those days where a little voice decides to enter your mind and whispers, "You're not good enough?" It just happened to me this morning. So here's my story.
For those of you who do not know, while taking advantage of the pandemic situation, I decided to finally start the business I'd always wanted to this year. For the past couple months, I've been working on it; researching and watching how to videos and reading up. Then documenting my plan, setting some goals, and working to achieve them. This has been an ongoing battle, trying to get a completed product out the door so I can begin marketing it publicly.
I went to bed at a decent time last night and even had, what I would consider, a good night's sleep. At about 5 AM, my mind decided to demand my attention. Suddenly, a surge of negative thoughts entered my consciousness. Before I knew it, every possible scenario of how my new business will never work came to the forefront of my mind. A dozen "what ifs" taunted me. Did I know what I was doing? Will an old employee or colleague try to sabotage my efforts because they don't believe I know what I am doing? Will my past somehow come back to haunt me? What if the product/site gets out of control due to lack of management? Do I have the willpower to overcome the challenges that are sure to come? Am I good enough?
Long ago, I learned that if you are feeling comfortable, you are not growing. Growth comes from stepping outside of your comfort zone and taking risks. To do anything great, you will need to deal with sacrifice, challenges that test your resolve, and a whole lot of fear of failure. Most people don't want to deal with those things, and so they choose to stay in the status quo. Which is great if they are already content with what they currently have. After all, not everyone is driven to step into the unknown. But those who are, fear can make or break you.
So - as I lay in my bed this morning, my blood pressure was rising fast and my anxiety was beginning to take over my body. I was about to go into full panic or give up mode. The fear was real, and I truly believed that perhaps I was on the wrong path. At that point, I knew I had 2 choices to make: 1) succumb to the anxiety and self-doubt, or 2) work through it in my mind to counter this psychological attack. I chose to work through it.
Now, the way my mind works is that I use what I call a 'filing system' to sort out my thoughts. If I am presented with a complex problem or topic, I have to break it into compartments and tackle each issue one at a time. I can't solve them all at once, but I can dissect each one, and counter it with logic. So, I consciously decided to do that. Tackle these bad boys one at a time; because I can figure this out!
So one by one, I found solutions for each. Did I know what I was doing? Damn straight I know what I'm doing. I've been in the web profession for decades, and my life experiences give an advantage in tackling this industry with precision and skills. I also have a network of people to support me in all aspects. Next.
Will an old employee or colleague try to sabotage my efforts because they don't believe I know what I am doing? What in the world kind of sense does this fear make? I've always done the absolute best I can do with the information I have at the time, no matter if at work or play. Even if someone tried, there is little they could do to stand in the way of my drive. I will cross that bridge if I come to it. Next.
What if the product/site gets out of control due to lack of management? I'll build a support team to assist in moderating the product. I'll set a schedule to review content. I will write and enforce policies to keep controls in place.
And just like that, I silenced the voice. My heart rate slowly went back to normal. My breathing normalized. And you know what? I wasn't just calm.... I was excited! Driven. Motivated. Determined.
I decided that no matter where it leads, I am following through with my plan. I'm not going to allow moments of self-doubt and insecurities stop me from becoming the woman I want to be. I will respectfully listen to my fears, because I think they have something to teach me. But I will NOT let them deter me.
My fears gave me something unexpected. They forced me to conjure several tools that I will use to secure my investment in time and money. A contingency plan for maintenance. An awareness that I have come this far in life because I DO know what I'm doing. And the best one: A bold reminder that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I can do this.
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